Monday morning I was wired and could feel my stress level climbing by the minute. Dorit was wonderfully on time just as I was squeezing two more things in the box. I grabbed my smoothie, smothered each cat with kisses and tears, waved to little bird and made saul promise not to let them die, and I was off. Sorry saul for leaving such a mess in the kitchen. Wow was I wound up. At the airport I misread the gate number and while waiting ln line at starbuck’s wondered why no one was at the gate. Oops. I flew through the terminal and was just about the last person to board. Thankfully it was not southwest and I already had my seat assignment.
While most of my fellow travelers were giddy with excitement I sat facing the window with tears streaming down my face. I realized it was the first time in many weeks I was truly still with no distractions. I could feel the sadness of leaving and fear of the unknown sweat out of me one tear at a time. And how embarrassing is that sitting next to a stranger. Eek. Playing therapist with myself I realized it was time for my pal Pema (Pema Chodron) and I started listening to her talk about maitre and sitting with your feelings. So that’s what I did.
I realized I have a pretty great life, am fortunate to have a kind and supportive partner, a career I love, friends and family I can count on. It’s wonderful but at the same time it’s scary that it could all change in a second. I can’t imagine the heartache that would ensure. i used to be really good spending time alone but this is the first time i've flown someplace alone and not had a friend or companion waiting for me. i cringe as i write this because i don't see myself weak and all that, but it sure feels lonely now.
So an hour later I was feeling much better and started reading a new book “An Embarrassment of Mangos” given to me by a client. Pretty good so far about a woman going off sailing with her partner. How cool is that?
While most of my fellow travelers were giddy with excitement I sat facing the window with tears streaming down my face. I realized it was the first time in many weeks I was truly still with no distractions. I could feel the sadness of leaving and fear of the unknown sweat out of me one tear at a time. And how embarrassing is that sitting next to a stranger. Eek. Playing therapist with myself I realized it was time for my pal Pema (Pema Chodron) and I started listening to her talk about maitre and sitting with your feelings. So that’s what I did.
I realized I have a pretty great life, am fortunate to have a kind and supportive partner, a career I love, friends and family I can count on. It’s wonderful but at the same time it’s scary that it could all change in a second. I can’t imagine the heartache that would ensure. i used to be really good spending time alone but this is the first time i've flown someplace alone and not had a friend or companion waiting for me. i cringe as i write this because i don't see myself weak and all that, but it sure feels lonely now.
So an hour later I was feeling much better and started reading a new book “An Embarrassment of Mangos” given to me by a client. Pretty good so far about a woman going off sailing with her partner. How cool is that?
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